But Hope Had Faded...
by Sour Skittle
Summary: It's a This is not Happening fiction. Scully's thoughts during the final scene of that episode. R/R


Category: Scully Angst. TINH fiction

Archive: Anywhere, just tell me where it's going. 

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. If I owned them, Mulder wouldn't be dead right now.

Spoilers: Yeah, for THIS IS NOT HAPPENING

Rating: PG for a couple of naughty words.

XXX

**But Hope Had Faded…******

  
  


For me, hope didn't last long that night. For one moment I hoped that everything would be fine. One moment. The next it was gone. All hope faded when I saw that circle of men making no attempt revive the body on the ground. The crumpled heap of a man. Somehow I managed to face that heap. Maybe I was just hoping the FATES were playing a nasty joke on me, or Mulder was playing a nasty joke on me. That he would jump up from underneath that blanket and give me a big hug. But hope had faded. 

  
  


"How bad is he hurt?" I knew how bad he was. I knew but I couldn't bring myself to say it. He was dead. I knew it, Doggett knew it and Skinner knew it. 

  
  


The feel of his skin beneath my hand was cold and hard. It had never been cold and hard, it was always warm. Warm, the way it should be now. Cold: so cold. Why must death be so cold? Why couldn't he have held on one minute longer? Why couldn't he have said good-bye? 

  
  


He had. He had said good-bye. He came to me that night.

  
  


A shiver ran through my spine. No. No he didn't. It wasn't supposed to end this way. He wasn't supposed to die in a crumpled heap in the forest. He was supposed to warn me. Tell me when it was time. It wasn't time! No! It couldn't be that time.

  
  


Time is a horrible thing. This time couldn't be changed. 

  
  


But it could

  
  


I ran from him. I ran from the hands that held me back. The hands that prevented me from helping Mulder. Jesus Mulder, I'm going to help you. I have never stopped helping you! I can't stop now. So I ran.

  
  


I ran back through the woods. All the while one thought ran through my mind. _Help him. Help him. Help him. I know how to help him! _

  
  


_Jeremiah._ He could save him. He could make that crumpled heap jump up and give me a hug. He was my last hope. 

  
  


A last hope is something you never want to rely on. You never want to be in a situation that calls out for your last hope. I have called my last hope more times than I ever wanted to. My last hope has always saved us though. It has never let me down. Us down.

  
  


Never. 

  
  


But hope had faded.

  
  


I couldn't stop running. Seeing that disk in the sky, those bright lights. Seeing that alien ship could make anyone turn and go in the other direction. For me, there was no other direction. Forward there was a UFO. Behind was the person who should be seeing what I was seeing then. _What I was seeing_. Yes, I was seeing it. But there was no time to take a picture. Onward I must tread. No turning back until Jeremiah is with me.

  
  


So I run. I run into that building where the light almost blinds me. The screams of abductees deafen me. Oh, what I wouldn't give for Mulder to be one of those people screaming. 

  
  


The light fades. The screams stop and I continued into the room that held Jeremiah.

Held. Past tense. Not holding. That room wasn't holding Jeremiah any longer.

  
  


"No, Dammit." No. Hope had disappeared. This couldn't be the time, but it was. "This is not happening!!!!!!!"

  
  


"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" That scream welled up from deep inside, deep from the gut. My baby is screaming with me. My scream is louder than the ones of all the people who had suddenly quieted. My scream wasn't one of terror. It was of loss. It was of remorse. It was a scream that is saved for a time when all hope is gone.

  
  


I sob. I can't go forward. I can't go backward. I failed him. I have never stopped helping Mulder. Hope has always pulled through.

  
  


I look up. Through the tears in my eyes I can see stars in the window. The stars haven't faded. The stars never fade. If only hope hadn't

  
  


X~FIN~X

  
  


Story by: Sour Skittle sour_patch_skittles@hotmail.com

  
  


Author's Note: Heck, I don't like writing stories like this. I don't like torturing the characters like this, but if Chris Carter can, why not me?

Anyhoo, This story took me half-an-hour to write. It isn't very good or long, but I'm proud of it.

One thing thoughif only hope hadn't faded. In this story, Mulder represents hope. He is Scully's hope. It's kind of a weird metaphor, but what are you going to do?

Oh yeah, feedback is much appreciated, so PLEASE R/R! 

  
  
  
  
  
  



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